Hail Holy Queen (Salve Regina) by Danielle Rose (Closing Rosary Prayer) ...

United Sufferings

As I said in an earlier post, I asked Jesus and Mary to unite my sufferings with theirs during Lent.  Well, I have learned that I better be careful about what I pray for!

The ER Trauma nurse stuck me 15 times but could not get an IV started in my arms or hand.
Finally the ER Doctor decided to put in a large catheter into my left Jugular vein.  He had to stick me twice even to do that.
They needed a certain size big enough to put contrast through to get an Arteriogram CT to check my lung.
That's how they found the Blood clot and a soft tissue mass in the large artery in my left lung.
These are new findings.  They had found blood clots in my left arm as well as finding my left subclavian area were completely accluded back in August.  They caused a clot that traveled to my heart.

They had to move the IV to the other side of my neck.

When I went to surgery to have the port-a-cath placed,
I awakened to see that both feet also had  IV's...
Praise the Lord for the port-a-caths.

I complained about being stuck so much with a tiny needle.

then I looked down at my Crucifix.

Jesus was nailed to the Cross!

All I Ever Have To Be

Another favorite Amy Grant song is called "All I Ever Have To Be."

Lyrics:

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head,
And the thoughtful words of health and hope
Have all been nicely said.
But I'm still hurting,
Wondering if I'll ever be
The one I think I am.  I think I am.

Then you gently re-remind me
That you've made me from the first,
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me,
Is only there because of who you are.  Who you are...

And all I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan.
As you daily recreate me,
Help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do
What I can find.

And all I ever have to be
All I have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.

The Circle of Life

Today is a significant day in my life in many ways.

It is the anniversary of my First Holy Communion.

Jesus comes to offer Himself in the form of Bread and Wine.

His Body, His Blood, His Soul, His Divinity. Wow,

What a gift He brings.  Life Giving.

It is also the day that I said Hello and Goodbye to

 Michael Paul.

He would be 20 years old today. 

 I will never forget how it felt to hold him

for most of the four hours the Lord gave to us.

What consolation I have to know that the

only thing he ever felt in this life was LOVE.

 How much I wanted to hold him forever.

And I do.  Just within my heart!

This morning I went with my Assistant, Maria, to her ultrasound.

 What a wonderful gift to me. I took her to her first ultrasound in February.  

She was only 6 weeks along then.

Her doctor was amazing.  He took us into his office,

where he had the ultrasound on a big flat screen.  

He showed us the tiny baby, it was the size of a bean.

 He told her that he was so excited for her and the new life within.

 I was so impressed that he called this little life a baby, not "tissue" or even "fetus."

He explained that the life had begun.  He played the sound of the baby's heartbeat.  

What a beautiful day and celebration of Life..

This morning was no different except that we played peek-a-boo.

You could see the heart beating,

you could see the arms and legs,

the spine, and the most beautiful little face.

After some pushing on her tummy, the tech paused the screen

so we could see that she is having a Boy!

Maria will be 20 weeks on Friday.

What a gift from above.  20 weeks... 20 years.

It was exciting to see her as she saw her

baby boy's face for the first time!

He weighs 12 ounces now.

Only God could create such a miracle.

He says He knits us, in His own image,

within our mother's womb.

He allows some women to co-create with Him.

What an honor...  to think that He would become

Creator and Creation.

He wanted His Son to come into this world

through the body of a woman... "womb-man"

Thank you, Lord for this little baby boy.

May he always be a reflection of You...

Spiritual Mothers

Even though I'm walking through
The valley of the shadow

I will hold tight to the hand of Him

Whose Love will comfort me

And when all hope is gone

And I've been wounded in the battle

He is all the strength that I will ever need

He will carry me.

Even though I feel so lonely

Like I've never been before

You never said it would be easy...

But You said You'd see me through the storm.

 I'll never forget that I attended a Jesu Caritas Retreat on my first Mother's Day.

The homily was very inspiring.

He spoke of how the Mother/Baby connection to the Creator and Creation.

  What a miracle we are allowed to participate in. 

Before we left, Sister called me into the front parlor.

  She made me promise not to cry.

 She reached behind the door and pulled out 2 roses.

 One tied with a red bow, the other a pink bow. 

 She said to me, "I think all Mothers deserve roses on Mother's Day.

  The rose with the red bow symbolized my Mom. 

The rose with the pink bow, symbolized Annie. 

What a wonderful and sincere gift. 

You do not have to conceive a child within your womb to be a Mother.   

Treasures

My Mountain Top

I believe that the Lord called me a deeper union with Him.

I answered that call by entering the Religious Life.

I entered the Nashville Dominicans.

I loved and treasure the time I was there. 

I returned home to care for my father who suffered from Parkinson's

Disease as well as Alzheimer's.  I took care of him for 9 years. 

During the years I started a support group for those interested in Religious Life.

We first met at my home, then held meetings in several Parishes.

I also put a notice in the Georgia Bulletin and in parish bulletins

to take young single Catholic women to St. Cecilia Convent

for their Jesu Caritas Retreats in Nashville.

I invited Religious Communities to come to Atlanta to share about their lives.

Every month we had a different Community. 

 Several members of the group decided to go around the Eastern US

visiting Cloistered Communities as they don't usually leave the Cloister to speak.

I will post links to the Communities.

Blessed be God!  I know the Lord called me to enter the Dominicans. 

He also called me to leave to care for my Dad.  I started traveling to

Nashville each month to attend the meetings for the Lay Dominicans.

I even got to participate in the creation of the Southern Province of

the Laity in New Orleans, LA.  This satisfied my yearning to live a 

Dominican Life. My Profession was held in the Chapel of St. Cecilia

Motherhouse.  

I went to the Mountain Top.  He opened my eyes as well as my heart.

It's an awesome view at the top.

Because I trust in God's Providence, I answered His Call.

It was with the same trust, I surrendered my "fiat," and came home

and led others to that mountain top.

Mountain Top

Have you ever heard the Amy Grant song,,, Mountain Top?  I love this song.  It is from her early years.  I think it is "my song" as it tells my story. Click HERE to listen.

Here are the lyrics:

MOUNTAIN TOP


I love to sing and I love to pray,
Worship the Lord most every day.
I go to the temple, and I just want to stay
To hide from the hustle of the world and it's ways.

And I'd
Love to live on a mountain top,
Fellowshipping with the Lord.
I'd love to stand on a mountain top,
'Cause I love to feel my spirit
Soar....

But I've got to come down
From the mountain top
To the people in the valley below;
They'll never know
That they can go
To the mountain of the Lord.

Now praising the Father is a good thing to do,
To worship the Trinity in spirit and truth.
But if we worshipped all of the time,
Well, there would be no one to lead the blind.

But I'd
Love to live on a mountain top,
Just fellowshipping with the Lord.
And I'd love to stand on a mountain top,
'Cause I love to feel my spirit
Soar.... (Soar....)

But I've got to come down
From the mountain top
To the people in the valley below;
They'll never know
That they can go
To the mountain of the Lord.

I am not saying that worship is wrong,
But worship is more than just singin' some songs,
'Cause it's all that we say and everything that we do;
It's letting God's Spirit live through you.

I believe that the Lord called me a deeper union with Him.I answered that call by entering the Religious Life. I entered the Nashville Dominicans. I loved and treasure the time I was there.
I returned home to care for my father who suffered from Parkinson's Disease as well as Alzheimer's.
 I took care of him for 9 years.
During those years I started a support group for those interested in Religious Life.

We first met at my home, then held meetings in several Parishes.I also put a notice in the
Georgia Bulletin and in parish bulletins to take young single Catholic women to St. Cecilia Convent

for their Jesu Caritas Retreats in Nashville.
I invited Religious Communities to come to Atlanta to share about their lives.
Every month we had a different Community. 
Several members of the group decided to go around the Eastern US
visiting Cloistered Communities as they don't usually leave the Cloister to speak.


I will post links to the Communities.


Blessed be God!  I know the Lord called me to enter the Dominicans. 
He also called me to leave to care for my Dad. 
I went to the Mountain Top.  He opened my eyes as well as my heart.
It's an awesome view at the top.


Because I trust in God's Providence, I answered His Call.
It was with the same trust, I surrendered my "fiat," and came home
and led others to that mountain top.

My Walk with Jesus & Mary during Lent

I started Lent truly with Our Lord this year.  I had to be admitted to the hospital with a blood clot in my left lung.  They had found a few blood clots a few months ago, but this is a new finding.  There is also a mass blocking the large artery. The game plan is that I take Lovenox shots in my abdomen every day for 2 months. Then they would do another arteriogram. They have to get rid of the blood clot to get a biopsy of the mass. They sent me home.  I had to go back to the ER as my chest was hurting and trouble breathing.  They stuck me 15 times trying to get an IV in. The ER physician put a large (14 gauge) needle in my Juggler vein.  They did a VQ test.  It showed no changes. They send me home, I am back 2 days later, then they readmitted me to the hospital.  They did surgery and put in a Portacath Central Line.  So no more problems getting a vein.  There is a terrible risk of getting an infection and I have had MRSA 5 times, so it is in my body.  I just have to be careful.

They are talking about putting me on TPN, nutrition in the vein and give my stomach some time to heal. I have had problems with my feeding tube.  So don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow!

The Sorrowful Mother, Heart to Heart

O Mary, I reflect on your life with Jesus 

with love and reverence...

At the Annunciation, you said "yes"...

 At the Nativity,

when you nestled Him at your breast...

I love to meditate on all 

you must have taught Him...

At the Wedding Feast at Cana, 

you called Him forth

to His first miracle

and into His public ministry...

How was I to know when I asked you 

to unite my heart with yours...

You would show me 

the sword that pierced your Immaculate Heart...

as they Crucified your Son 

and placed Him back in your hands...

you would ask me 

to place mine there too?

In Loving Memory of

Annie Elizabeth

7-21-1989

Michael Paul

5-10-1991

Beneath the Cross

The Blessed Mother had to bear the pain of seeing her only Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ beaten, stripped, mocked, and nailed to a Cross.  One of the most touching scenes in The Passion of the Christ, was Mary trying to get through the crowds to her son and seeing him fall.  She flashed back to when a young Jesus was running and fell.  This time she couldn't just kiss His boo boo's. She had to endure the road with Him, and stand at the foot of His Cross, watching and feeling the blood trickle down.  

When Jesus was dying on the Cross, He spoke to His Mother

and His beloved friend, John.

"Woman behold thy son.  Son behold thy Mother."

Jesus gave the Church a Loving Mother.

Jesus gave me a Loving Mother.

I made a Consecration to Our Blessed Mother many years ago.

Mary taught me how to stand below the Cross.  She was standing right there beside me as I stood beneath the Cross,

 when I awoke one morning, with blood flowing down.

She was there with me when the doctor

could not find Annie's heartbeat.

She was born still at 24 weeks. 

Just the week before we were in the same room, 

on that same screen, we looked in awe

as we caught a glimpse of our little Annie sucking her thumb.

How could this be happening?  

Was I being punished for one mistake?

How was I going to say Goodbye,

when I didn't get to say Hello?

This is not the plans I had in mind.  

Somehow, I knew that I could rest under her mantle. 

She understood.  She knew my pain. 

What was the first thing that she did

after they took Jesus down from the Holy Cross?

They placed Him in her arms.

Just as they did when Jesus was born.

That is what all Mother's want.

From the Annunciation to the Crucifixion 

Mary was there.

       

My Walk with Our Lady

My walk with Mary began as a child. Being raised Catholic, Mary was a part of our lives, just as much as the Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. When I was 18, my own Mother died, I turned to Our Lady to be my Mother in a real way.

I entered the convent at 19. I was a Postulant with the Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia in Nashville, Tennessee. They are more commonly known as the "Nashville Dominicans." You can check them out here: http://www.nashvilledominican.org/. I was drawn to their Community by their zeal and particularly their devotion to Our Lady. I remember the first time I went for a retreat. I truly thought I had transcended into Heaven. It was actually as though I was looking through a window into Heaven. The sounds of the Sisters chanting the Liturgy of the Hours. I had never

experienced anything like that before. I also remember the reverence, the bowing at the Glory Be. The most special time was spent in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. I didn't even know what that was until then. They also had the Dominican practice of singing Compline and the devotion to Our Lady, by singing the Salve Regina

    

and the O Lumen, to St. Dominic. It was their "goodnight" to Our Lord, Our Lady and the Light in St. Dominic.

I came home and announced that I had found what I thought Our Lord was calling me to. I entered the Convent on the Feast of Our Lady's Crowning as the Queen of Heaven and Earth. I loved my time there. It was like gaining a family. I was not called to be a teacher. It became clear to me, that I needed to leave and return home to care for my beloved father. He had Parkinson's Disease as well as developing Alzheimer's. Believe me, it was more painful to leave than to have entered. I am so thankful for my time there. I knew Christ had called me to be His Own, however, He had other ideas for me. I prayed and discerned that He wanted me to start a Vocation Support Group.